Mono No Aware
by Ray The Red
Summary: The Cherry Blossom, a vibrant but short-lived burst of color in the month of April. It signifies the impermanence of things, the mortality of the flesh, and the transient nature of life.
1. Chapter 1

Chirihajime 1.1

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

She stood in front of the old drunk, even as her legs trembled and her arms shakily held her kunai. She had always known that the life of a shinobi would never be all rainbows and sunshine, that fights would be had and that blood would be spilled for the good of Konoha. She had always known that an enemy would never show an ounce of kindness – the Demon Brothers had more than brought that message home to her – and that it was her duty to be brave in the face of danger.

Sakura knew that all intellectually, but it was a lot harder to put all of that into practice when faced with an opponent who was so far above them in skill and power that his mere presence overwhelmed her. It was difficult to do so when the fight taking place in front of them was going almost too fast to follow; the screech of metal upon metal and splashes all that she well and truly perceived.

Frantically she recited the first rule that the academy had drilled into her.

 _Rule 1: "A Shinobi must never show any weakness."_

Over and over, like a mantra, and even if cold sweat dripped down her back and sheer terror pooled in her stomach she stood alongside her teammates, trusting in the Jounin that had taken them on as his Genin.

Within seconds that slight glimmer of hope that his warm and solemn promise had alighted in her was gone as she watched her teacher get trapped upon the water, having been kicked away by Momochi Zabuza. Out of that same water rose a body, clone of the one holding Kakashi-sensei hostage in a ball of chakra-laden water.

Stepping unto land it spoke instead of its creator, whose very presence still blanked the field.

"Ha, wearing forehead protectors and acting like real ninja…but you know what? A real ninja is someone who has survived multiple brushes with death."

A hand slowly raised into a seal, and he continued on with his low voice, "Basically, once you're good enough to be listed in my handbook then you can call yourselves ninja's, but right now you should not be referred to as ninja's."

He flashed away, none of them knowing where he would show up, only for Naruto – who had moved forward in his agitation (which was more movement than she was capable of) – to be kicked away with tremendous force.

He crashed into the ground with a big groan.

The clone stood still, bored, watching the blonde get up with disdain clear in his brown eyes. Their teacher shouted across the clearing.

"You guy's take Tazuna-san and run away! You have no chance of beating him! As long as he's keeping me trapped in this prison he can't move! The water clone can't get very far away from his body! Just run away now!"

A Way out, a plan – no, an order! Unbidden another rule sprung to mind.

 _Rule 5: "A Shinobi must follow their commander's instruction."_

It was not cowardice if her superior ordered their retreat, and even as her heart clenched at the thought of leaving the odd man that had lead them for a month now, she knew that he spoke the truth. None of them could face a Jounin and live.

Naruto getting kicked without even knowing it was proof enough of that. Besides, whispered her book learning, Rule 4 states that "a Shinobi must always put the mission first".

Tazuna's survival was the mission, and as such that was paramount.

It was, of course, as she made her decision that the orange-wearing ninja that was her teammate charged the water clone with a shout.

She didn't know what he was thinking, running straight towards an enemy Jounin. She expected that he wasn't thinking, as Zabuza merely scoffed and once more snapped out a kick that sent Naruto back towards them.

Why had he – her eyes widened as she noticed what the blonde held in his hand.

 _His forehead protector!_

Naruto spoke, in that brash way of his, "Hey…you eyebrowless freak! Put this in your book: the man who will one day become Hokage, leaf ninja Uzumaki Naruto!"

He emphasized it all by putting the forehead protector back where it belonged.

She smiled despite the situation they were in, feeling the conviction behind his words. It allowed her to stop her arm from shaking, as if the heavy pressure of Zabuza's presence had let up a bit. If Naruto, of all people, could muster up some courage, surely she could too?

It seemed he wasn't done yet either.

"Sasuke, lend me your ear, I've got a plan." She was pretty sure he smirked that stupid smirk of his, the one when he thought of prank. "Now let's go wild!"

Once again Kakashi-sensei made his orders known, " What are you doing, run away! This fight was over the moment I was caught! Our duty is to protect Tazuna, have you forgotten that?!"

She hadn't, but her heart wasn't as set on running away it as it had been moments ago. When Tazuna spoke up and gave them permission to fight, it strengthened the resolve within all of them. The boys had a plan, and if their smirks and newly gained bravado were anything to go by they would succeed.

The cool smirk on Sasuke-kun's face was enough to even make her blush slightly and boost her confidence even more, as she had never seen her crush fail yet. With him here everything would work out, just as it had at the start of their journey.

"Hn, you hear that?"

"Yeah, you ready?"

 _Yes_ , she answered in thought. She was ready to protect Tazuna as they went out and put their plan into motion. She gripped her Kunai tighter, willing to stand her ground and do her duty.

Then came laughter, it held no joy. It sent a shiver down her spine.

"You guys will never grow up," said the former Mist-Nin, "going to keep playing Ninja eh?" The expression on his bandage covered face shifted into a crazed look, one of hunger, if she was interpreting it right.

"When I was about your age my hands were already dyed red with blood!"

The newly released burst of killer intent was more intense than the one before. Her arm shook once more. Even Sasuke-kun looked put out by the declaration.

"Demon… Zabuza"

"Ah, you've heard a little bit about it."

"Long ago in the Hidden Mist, also called the Bloody Mist, there was a final obstacle to becoming a ninja"

The low voice of Zabuza carried well, surprise evident in it. "Hmm, you even know about the exam."

Naruto asked the question that was on all their minds, "What exam? What's this graduation thing?"

That same laughter filled the clearing, followed by a declaration that set her teeth on edge. "Fights to the death between students."

Their teacher elaborated, Zabuza practically reveling in the description coming forth.

"Friends who have trained together and eaten at the same table are pitted against one another…until one of them loses their life. These are friends who had helped each other and shared dreams but 10 years ago the Hidden Mist exam was forced to change. This change came after the previous year…when a demon appeared. "

She paled, at the thought of killing her comrades. Her mind was awhirl with conspiracies and she had to know what had actually happened. Was the change for the worse?

"Change? What change, what did this demon do," she all but demanded.

Her teacher answered, words heavy; "Without pause of hesitation a young boy who was not even a Ninja had killed over a hundred of the students."

Her mind put two and two together, aware that they were now facing that same demon when he was older, better, and stronger. As if to prove her point the clone kicked Sasuke-kun to the ground viciously, uttering a single word.

"Die."

Things moved fast then once more; Naruto clones popping, and her crush catching a Wind Shuriken from the original. He launched into the air, shouting.

"Shadow Windmill!"

With a mighty whir the great starred blade flew around the water clone and towards the real Zabuza. Both representations of the man spoke then, "I see that you're aiming at the real me, but that's still not enough!"

He spoke true, catching the wicked weapon with other hand with what appeared to be extreme ease. A second one, however, seemed to appear out of nowhere. One that also missed its target as the Missing-Nin merely jumped over it.

With a pop the wind Shuriken turned into her blond teammate, who launched a kunai towards Zabuza with a shout.

Her eyes once again widened as Sakura cottoned onto what Naruto had been planning since getting kicked in the face twice by the clone.

A moving projectile that the man couldn't dodge whilst stationary, and as Zabuza's right arm left the ball, it fell apart, releasing their teacher from his prison. A very clever move, one that evened the playing field.

Or, it should have, if the water clone hadn't still been there, because while the original was stopped from immediately working out retribution onto the real Naruto, the clone had no such hassle to contend with.

Sakura had only seconds to process that the clone was no longer stationary. Even as she spun in place, she knew she was too late. Roars rent the air as she felt steel cut through her like she was butter. The world went sideways, and with a thud she hit the grass. Vaguely she was aware that the same fate had befallen the man she was supposed to protect.

 _Rule 2: "A Shinobi must always watch their back."_

Within seconds of that thought a panicking Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, bled out and died.

* * *

 **AN:** Another start to a fic, and this time I actually have somewhat of an actual outline for what I want, and I my recent interest and delvings into philosophy should keep this going at least until the completion of Chirihajime. A low bar, sure, since it it the first of six parts, but given my track record, it is in all likelihood a necessity. The title of this one was first going to be Hanami, but Mono no Aware felt more thematically appropriate.

Hanami (花見): literally means flower viewing.

Mono No Aware (物の哀れ): literally "the pathos of things", and also translated as "an empathy toward things",or an awareness of the transient nature things and life as a whole. It therefore also expresses a wistfulness for the things that pass, one of them being life.

Chirihajime (散り始め): litterally as "start scattering", and is a term that is used to refer to the phase of a Sakura tree when its leaves are grey and dull and begin to fall. It is a term used by avid partitioners of Hanami, the art of watching Sakura trees bloom and picnicking beneath their pink canopy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chirihajime 1.2

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

Sakura awoke with a scream, sweat upon her brow and tears in her eyes. Breaths came fast and short, her heart beating like a mad drum. She clutched at her chest, reveling in the feeling of that _thump-a-thump_ even as terror wrought havoc in her mind.

She threw the covers off her body, which was drenched in cold sweat, and looked at her legs; legs that were very much attached to her. She let out a chocked sob and in a movement that was more instinct than thought she entered the fetal position, hugging the limbs she knew she had lost.

She remembered her final moments with startling clarity, could still hear the rattling breaths of Tazuna as he perished beside her. She remembered the smell of copper, the feeling of her organs falling out and – she fell out of her bed and stumbled with haste towards the bathroom.

Once there, not even turning the light on, she proceeded to empty her stomach. Shaking besides the porcelain bowl her mind whirled as dry heaves and sheer fright wracked her body.

 _I'm alive!_

Something she was very thankful for, almost hyperaware of the actions of her body and the solidity of her surroundings. In fact she was at home, had woken in her own room and bed. The familiarity of the place was both comforting and extremely confusing.

 _But I died! In Wave!_

Just as sure as she was that she was now alive, she knew she had died. She had felt it in her soul, in the way her body had stuttered and eventually failed her, losing too much blood too quickly. In the way heat had leeched away from her and panicking thoughts trailed off into nothingness. There had been no coming back from that, just like she had known that the rabbit she had killed at the age of 10 on their camping trip for the academy would not be coming back to life.

Yet, here she was, alive and whole.

 _How?!_

How had they brought her back from her bisected state where her slick organs had been steaming up the humid air of that clearing where – bile rushed out of her mouth as the experience of her death took hold of her once again. She couldn't comprehend it, any of this.

She was all over the place both emotionally and mentally, her chakra fluctuating like crazy. It was a sign of agitation and yet it brought her the greatest of joy, remembering the feeling of it draining away at high speeds.

The light in the bathroom flicked on as she continued to dry heave, eyes closed as her body did its best to expel something that simply wasn't there.

The warm and harried presence of her mother was now beside her, her chakra soothing and when a warm hand started rubbing her back she felt new tears fall from her eyes.

"Oh, Sakura, Honey," came the oh so familiar voice of Haruno Mebuki .

Something snapped, and she stopped trying to figure everything out by herself and just let the situation overwhelm her.

For the next few minutes that was the scene, her hung over a toilet as her mother tried to sooth her troubles as best as possible. Whenever she had a bit of breath Sakura always asked "What's happening?" to which her mother answered, "shhh, it's okay honey, it's okay."

 _But it's not okay, I died!_

However, she trusted her mother, and finally when her body decided that it had expelled enough, Sakura was completely and utterly spent. She let her mother lead her to her bed and tuck her in, still whispering sweet nothings.

"Rest my little petal, mama will take care of you," and to that promise she fell asleep.

\- 散り始め –

When Sakura next opened her eyes there was no scream that accompanied it, but rather a groan. She felt like shit, complete and utter shit. Her throat hurt like hell, her stomach was empty as anything, her mouth tasted disgusting, and she had the mother of all headaches. Also, her eyes were slightly irritated.

Even as groggy as she was, she knew the symptoms well: a long bout of crying while sick.

As her brain rebooted she tried to recall what had messed her up so much and when it hit her all traces of sleep were gone. Again she threw her covers to the side and stared at her slim legs, lifted her sleeping shirt and felt around for any kind of scar on her stomach but found none. It was as she remembered it, as it had always been; flat and smooth.

It didn't make any sense. None at all, and she wanted to know what had happened, how the mission had gone and how in hell they had put her back together so flawlessly. However, before she did any of that she was going to take a well-deserved shower. If they thought she was well enough to sleep alone at home without constant supervision she was sure that going to the shower was no problem at all.

Leaving her bright room – she had always loved that about it – she walked the short distance to the bathroom. Turning on the light and closing the door and locking it she started to strip. Once undressed she looked at her body in the mirror, once more looking for any differences or discrepancies.

Just as in her room she couldn't find any, even though she was pretty sure that if they had done some sort of surgery she'd either have a scar or be gaunt due to not having eaten any solids for what had to be a while. She wasn't even any shorter, or anything!

The only difference she noticed was her face, which looked haggard and afraid. Hopefully the shower would help a bit, her hair an absolute mess after the night she'd had. Stepping into the shower she turned the knob and let warm water run, and she relaxed under the stream, enjoying the luxury that she had sorely missed during the trip to Wave.

Putting shampoo in her hair, the one with the Cherry Blossom Fragrance, she closed her eyes and started to sing. A habit that she hadn't indulged in at all over the trip, knowing that her lack of talent would not impress Sasuke-kun. This ritual that was of only home helped center her, even as she kept faintly hearing the roars of twin water dragons. She ignored it as best as she could, getting louder every time it graced her ears. She also ignored how she kept checking if her stomach was whole, or how much she enjoyed the feel of her moving her toes.

Once she felt clean she stepped out and toweled herself off. Grabbing her toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it, she started to brush her teeth. Two minutes later she felt a whole lot better; no longer groggy, and her mouth now tasted of mint, replacing the taste last night's toilet hugging activities had left behind.

That done she went back to her room, wearing her white bathrobe. She grabbed her chair, sat it in front of her oval standing mirror and started to brush her hair, just as she would any other day she was free.

The green brush was something that Ino had once gotten her for her birthday, and though she would never admit it to the blonde, Sakura treasured it still. As the last few tangles were removed from her long hair, she smiled slightly at her reflection. Yes, that was more like it.

She still didn't look 100%, but she didn't expect herself to be. It was as she put her chair back in front of her desk that her eyes drifted to the calendar that hung above it and stopped there.

It was turned to April.

It had been June when she left Konoha.

It wasn't a new calendar either, it was the same one she'd been using this whole year. She flipped it to May, expecting to see her notes about team meetings and found it completely blank.

 _What?_

Dread settled in her stomach as alarm bells started going off in her head. She opened her drawer, the one where she had put her final test scores when she'd graduated. She had been proud of them.

They weren't there.

She grabbed her wallet and expected to see her Genin-ID show up. What graced her sight Instead was her Student-ID. She didn't even try to look for her forehead protector.

It should have been on her bedside, or her desk, where she always put it. If it wasn't there, then that meant…

No, she refused to accept that. Her mother had said that everything was okay, and her mother had never lied to her. She was going to go downstairs, eat some breakfast and get some answers that would put such a crazy notion to bed.

Yes, that is exactly what she was going to do. Hell, she bet her mother was polishing it, a habit she must have developed while Sakura was bedridden for all of that time. Yes.

 _Rule 8: "A Shinobi must never panic."_

Accordingly she ignored how Inner was screaming her head off.

She always enjoyed walking around all day in her robes, and she would take any extra comfort she could get, so still wearing it she plodded down stairs to the kitchen. It was there that Sakura found her mother, working on her reports as usual, no polish in sight.

She looked up as she heard her enter, and smiled. Her usually serious face really lit up when she did so, dark green eyes lightening just a bit. It was also from her that Sakura had inherited her broad forehead, which was only noticeable when she wore her blonde hair in a bun as she did now.

"Feeling a bit better, Sakura?"

"Yes."

"Good! You think you can eat, or should I keep it to rice crackers?"

"I think I can eat something, actually. I'm surprisingly hungry."

"Very well," she said as she stood up, " I'll make you some miso and see how that goes. We can always make you something else if you do keep it down."

Sakura smiled at the gesture. "Thanks mom, you're the best."

"You know it!" She put on a pan of water, and said over her shoulder, "You don't even have to worry about the academy, I informed them you were sick, so this won't be a mark on your spotless record."

Sakura's hand started to shake. Inner was cackling like a hyena.

"Mom, what is the date."

"It's the 10th of April, is that supposed to mean something to me?"

 _No, but it does mean something to me._

"No, just asking. Are you sure?" It took effort to keep her voice steady.

Her mother turned to look at her, eyebrow raised. "Yes, I'm really sure that the date is April 10th."

"Okay."

 _It was not okay._

It had been June. Now it was April.

April 10th, when she was still a student. When she was already starting to review notes for what she had thought to be the most important test of her life.

This meant that she didn't have her forehead protector, and yet she remembered earning it and wearing it. She was a ninja, damn it!

Sakura blinked and was no longer in the kitchen with her mother, but in a clearing oh so familiar. A clone of the Demon stepped onto land and said, "Ha, wearing forehead protectors and acting like real ninja…but you know what? A real ninja is someone who has survived multiple brushes with death."

This time he cut her down with words, and she fell to her knees as he stared at her with those disdainful brown eyes.

 _I didn't survive._

The brush had crushed her, painted the color of the world an inky black that was absolute. It had bisected her, and spilled her guts onto the grass.

"Die," said the Demon of the Mist.

 _I did. Oh god, I did!_

Yet… it was April 10th and her mother was saying her name, but she wasn't listing at all.

She heard two boys scream, heard the rush of large amounts of water. Tears fell down her face in streams as she stared at the two beautiful dragons who fought, twins in all aspects, sending water everywhere. Breathtaking, and so they took her last one.

For a moment all was dark again, but then she took a shuddering breath her vision returned to her, bursting with color.

 _It is April 10_ _th_ _._

Breathe in.

 _I died._

Breathe out.

 _I am alive._

Breathe in.

 _It is April 10_ _th_ _._

Breathe out.

 _20 days before I graduate._

Breathe in.

 _51 days till I depart._

Breathe out.

 _57 days till I die._

Breathe in.

And so doing Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, wept on her kitchen floor as she wrestled with the transient nature of life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chirihajime 1.3

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

Her mother was completely beside herself with worry as Sakura tried and failed to calm down. Great ugly sobs filled the kitchen, and she clutched her mother like a drowning man would a buoy.

"Sakura, honey, what's wrong?"

 _Everything! All of this is wrong!_

She tried to get that out of her throat but all that came out was a keening, "Mooom". She buried herself even more into the embrace, like she hadn't done in years.

"Are you in pain, do we need to go to the hospital?"

She shook her head, even as she remembered a giant blade cleaving her apart. A hospital was no good for the dead, or the whole. Paradoxically she was both.

 _This can't be real! It just can't!_

And yet, the strong beat of the heart of the woman that had brought Sakura into the world was as real anything. As were the arms that wrapped her in a cocoon of safety, strong and familiar. She smelled of ink and plums.

Softly Mebuki said, "Alright, that's good. That's good. Is there anything I can do?"

 _Yes._

"Hold me," she all but begged.

 _Hold me and give me the strength to live, like you did 12 years ago._

The arms around her tightened, and she heard her mother say, "Okay, my little petal, I can do that."

Her mother started to rock her back and forth, humming a childhood song. Minutes passed and slowly Sakura calmed down, and her tears dried. Her fear subsided, going to manageable levels instead of overwhelming her. Sniffling she looked up into very worried dark green eyes, and putting as much emotion as she possible could into her next words she said, "I love you mom."

The smile on her Mebuki's face was strained with worry, but her words were just as full of emotion. "I love you too, Sakura. Are you sure you're alright?"

Sakura thought about it.

 _Am I alright?_

The answer was no, she wasn't alright; she had died. Gruesomely. That wasn't alright in the slightest. Not only that, but she had failed her duty, not only getting herself killed but the man she was tasked with protecting. Yes, more than her blood stained her soul, and that wasn't alright either.

Maybe nothing would ever be alright again, because as much as she wanted to forget, she couldn't; this guilt was hers to bear, and hers alone.

So, no, she wasn't alright, but she was _alive_.

She answered truthfully, "No, but I will be."

It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be fun, and it would take time. She didn't know how she could ever carry this experience and feel alright, but damn it she would get there.

 _Rule 17: "A Shinobi must endure."_

She would, if only to prove the Demon of the Mist wrong.

\- 散り始め –

Her mother wanted her to elaborate, and Sakura did. She told half-truths, telling her that she had been killed in a nightmare. How it had felt all too real, and that it was that which had caused her to retch and cry last night. Told her that she had "died" on April 10th and that that was why she'd freaked out as much as she had just now. She said she was sorry she had scared and worried her mother so much with her actions.

The reply that her mother gave surprised her completely.

"It's okay Sakura, it is a mother's job to worry about her child and be scared for them. Especially when that same child is going to become Ninjas all too soon." She smiled, "I'll even tell you a secret: even when you aren't crying I sometimes worry about your future."

"Your dad does too, though he'd never tell you in a straight manner. We both fear for you, sweetheart, all of the time – even when it isn't logical to do so. Fear is a thing every person has, and you know what?"

"What?"

"It isn't something to be ashamed of. A person can't be brave if he has no fear, a person can only be brave in spite of their fear. Fear of death is the most human thing of all, and I would rather you have it a thousand times over, than not. After all, those who do not fear death do not strive to survive – and both your parents want you to survive at all odds and keep on coming home."

A look of pure maternal love and pride was directed at her, one that stole her breath. "No, neither of us is ashamed our fear for your life, because you are our treasure and losing you would be the worst thing in the entire world."

Sakura had thought she was out of tears, but it seemed she had been wrong.

Knowing that in another time news of a failed mission and a scroll full of ashes would be all that would return she couldn't help but feel that she had also failed her parents. That she had hurt those she loved most without ever knowing it. Worst of all she had in her younger years disparaged them so for being so overprotective.

For the first time in years she was awash with pride and happiness knowing that Mebuki and Kazashi Haruno were her parents. She wouldn't change them for the world, and from now on she would treasure them as much as they treasured her.

It was the least she could do, and so Rule 14 could go screw itself.

"You know," said Sakura with a watery laugh, "I think the point of cheering someone up is not turning them into a wet blanket."

Her mother's rich laughter, which was only beaten by the boom of her father, filled the kitchen.

"Right you are, daughter of mine. Shall I make that miso after all and make it up to you?"

"Yes, please!"

\- 散り始め –

Back in her room, having eaten a very late breakfast and keeping it all down, she sat at her desk and thought about what the next week would entail. She had a pen in hand, and a fresh notebook open in front of her.

She was going to go to the academy tomorrow, provided she didn't have another night terror about her death. It would mean seeing Naruto and Sasuke-kun again, before they'd ever teamed up. She wondered how the fight had ended, if everyone else had survived.

Kakashi-sensei certainly had, calling up a water dragon as he had. If that wasn't a display of power and skill, she didn't know what was.

Naruto, by proxy of being protected by their masked teacher, probably had as well. He may be an idiot a large amount of the time, but he had been the one to come up with a plan on the fly, one that had even worked.

Sakura was surprised to find that she was…impressed and proud of her future teammate. It seemed that all that pranking he did had paid off after all.

Of course, it wouldn't have worked if Sasuke-kun wasn't as good as he was. Sasuke-kun who had also still been on land with the clone.

She bit her lip.

Her crush was loads faster than her, stronger too, and yet she remembered him getting kicked down viciously without ever knowing it. She remembered how Kakashi-sensei had buried him until he was only a head sticking out of the dirt.

For the first time ever she doubted his skill; she wondered if her Sasuke-kun, talented as he was, would survive when faced with a Jounin that was out to kill. The odds weren't in his favor.

Odds they all would have to face again in 57 days.

It wasn't a lot of time, a little bit under two months. Two months in which she had to hone her reaction time so that is was either as good or better than that of Sasuke-kun.

 _Rule 26: "A Shinobi must be quicker than lightning."_

One of the few rules that she had changed in the past decade or so, the legendary speed of the Fourth raising the bar.

She snorted. _Talk about an unrealistic goal to reach in two months!_

No, she'd be settle for being able to hold out against Kiba. When it wasn't just academy standard that was in play, his swipes and swift kicks were something to be wary of. If she could beat Ino-pig while she was at it, that was just a bonus.

In fact, she was going to branch out, add another style to her meagre repertoire. Academy Standard (or Konoha Basic) had not been enough. It didn't focus on speed or dodging, which is what she desperately needed, but instead it focused on form, and as such was very easy to predict.

Patent mastery of the kata was enough to pass the Taijutsu part of the academy exam, but out in the real world it…just wasn't viable. Might work against other Genin, and highwaymen (what they should have been facing instead of Chunin and Jounin!) but she was beginning to doubt that it would do anything against even a low-level Chunin.

It was too predictable, too rigid and formal for actual live combat. It didn't even have a defining trait, not fully soft or hard. More hard than soft, given its rigidity, but it didn't maximize damage like a true hard style would.

So, she needed something else. Mizuki-sensei could probably help out with that, even though he was a hardass. Sure, two months was far too little time to master whatever she picked, but it was enough to get down the basics.

It would be more than she'd had. Just to be sure, though, she would also increase her proficiency with Kawarimi.

Simple and easy as the E-rank Justu was, it might just save her life. No hand seals, that was the goal; they'd just slow her down.

Putting down her pen, she looked at her list.

Though short, it was a good enough start to plan "No bisecting this time". It was more than enough to fill the 20 days she had till she graduated, and she was sure that by then she would have come up with new ideas and ways to increase her rate of survival.

She smiled sadly, another rule that she had memorized for written tests coming to mind.

 _Rule 3: "A Shinobi must prepare before it is too late."_

Writing it down and underscoring it multiple times Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, felt the weight of being too late with all her being.

* * *

 **AN** : Rule 14: "A Shinobi must never show attachment."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chirihajime 1.4**

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

Sakura stood in front of the academic section of the Academy, where the lectures were given. It did not bring her any joy, only shame.

She had thought she'd never have to take this particular entrance again, that after four years of hard work she would not have to wade through a field of hyperactive eight year-olds; that the hallway to the Mission Assignment Desk would be what she walked every morning.

Admittedly, it had lost its luster rather soon, given that D-Ranks were not the most rousing of things, but walking as a fresh Genin to get her first mission from the Hokage had been a defining moment. To no longer have the right to do so, even for such simple things as D-ranks, was a hard pill to swallow.

To be forced to roam once more in the world of classrooms she had been so glad to leave behind, no matter how well she had fared in them, was crushing; because even though no one but her knew it, this was a demotion, a stripping of the rank she had achieved.

It branded her a failure.

Yes, those familiar red doors judged her, without ever speaking a word.

 _Coming early was a mistake._

Sleep had eluded her, her last moments playing out upon her eyelids as soon as she tried to get some rest. Instead she wasted the night away as the reality of her current lot set in, asking herself questions she didn't have the answer to like, "Does this mean I have soul?" or "Is the soul really what makes up Chakra, the physical aspect merely the product of the soul inhabiting the body?" as well as "If this is reincarnation of a sort, why didn't I get full reset, as it were?" and the fun "Or did I relive my whole life, only to unlock my memories at this point in time?"

The most prominent one, however, was simply: "Why? Why me?"

When the lack of answers became too much she had tried to get her mind to focus on anything else, and usually reading was a good remedy for a wandering mind, but it would only be a page or two before they were back.

The hours had passed slowly this way, and the wait for day had been agonizing; with every minute that passed she could feel herself get more restless, more pent up.

A mounting frustration that had almost capped when she couldn't even meditate, as if she were some first year. Throwing her hands in the air Sakura had done the first thing that popped into her head, which turned out to be packing her bag. That done she had cleaned her room as silently as she could, and when that was complete she had started to obsessively clean all her gear.

None of it was enough to settle her, the questions ever burning, and she had felt the walls of her room closing in on her. She'd felt cooped up, itching to move, to act, and to do.

So, when she had seen the sun rise she had all but jumped out of the window, ready for a change of scenery. Sakura had been so sure that going out would solve the problem, that a proactive start would send her thoughts in a different direction, that she'd all but flown through her morning ritual.

Clearly, she had been wrong.

Her thoughts were still dark and dreary and the change of scenery hadn't improved anything. In fact, it was eerie, seeing the usually jam-packed grounds empty and deserted. There wasn't much light yet and the shadows were long, changing the atmosphere considerably. Most notably, however, was that it was silent; there was no din of loud and happy voices, and their absence bothered her more than she'd like.

 _It shouldn't ever be this empty._

Why though? Why was she so bothered by seeing the Academy like this, alone? It couldn't really judge her, and frankly she hadn't felt any less or more a failure when sat on her bed. What did it matter if it was empty, it couldn't starve to death! It was a building and it stood empty all the time, during weekends for example. Hell, it wasn't like this was the Bloody Mist and –

"Oh," she whispered.

Silent and empty, that is how the Mist Academy must have looked like when Zabuza snapped, killing over a hundred students. Sakura could almost imagine it, courtyard full of bodies and blood, only a boy with crazy brown eyes left standing. Among them she saw a head of pink, green eyes glassy.

The hairs on her neck stood up, and with a shake of her head the phantom image was erased from existence.

 _Fuck I'm messed up._

As standing in front of the Academy was clearly an even worse idea than sitting still in her room, she made her way to one of the kunai and shuriken practice ranges. She'd left early because she'd wanted to move, do and act, so she was going to do exactly that.

\- 散り始め –

She'd always been okay at shurikenjutsu, never great. Her aim wasn't perfect, but it was near enough and being able to do textbook throws was technically all that was required. She hadn't ever put more effort into it than that, being able to draw and throw proficiently enough so that the teachers had nothing to really comment on as far as her form was concerned.

She hadn't ever gotten creative with it, never showed off. She'd always completed the maneuver in the way it had been shown, and once she'd succeeded let it be, never once revisiting the problem from a different angle. After all, she had reached a certain definition of perfection.

 _Rule 18: " A Shinobi must be able to improvise."_

A rule she'd never paid much mind, but having seen Naruto throw together a plan that would surprise two Jounin, maybe rule 18 wasn't as minor as she had once pegged it to be.

She started off easy, doing her throws as she always had; completely and utterly textbook. She missed none, and only one of them wasn't completely dead center. She nodded to herself, as she had expected nothing less, that being what she had scored on her exam.

Getting her weapons back from the targets, she considered what she should do next, how she could increase the difficulty a notch. Coming to a decision she once again took up her position. Then, instead of doing each throw separately, allowing each of them to be perfect, she tried to create a kata for them; do them one after the other without pause in the order that she had learned them.

For the first time in forever she missed, not just the center, but the target as a whole. Some of her throws didn't blend well together, their movements too different to really flow into each other. As grating it was to miss, it lit a spark in her because this wasn't just any task; this was a puzzle. Not only was she very good at puzzles, she enjoyed them. There was reason that her pattern analyses grades had always been the highest in her year. What order would be ideal, what would make it all click together?

With a grin she went grab her weapons once more, and started to think about possible combinations that would work the best as far as the basic academy style throws were concerned. She knew more was possible, having seen Sasuke be a terror those strings of his, but that would come in time.

After all, as Iruka-sensei was fond of saying, "it's the basics that make up everything else". Taking her spot once more, she got ready, and started throwing, her mind making rapid calculations even as she missed.

 _Practice makes perfect._

Surely enough, with each successive bout of throws, rearranging the order every now and then, she started to miss less and less. The puzzle was coming together, throw by throw, the solid _thunks_ a forming a rhythm she lost herself in.

 _Practice makes perfect._

She was so focused that she didn't notice the passage of time, or that her calculations and relentless repetition were what solely occupied her mind, as well as the silent arrival of her teacher, who watched her for a moment with a smile.

It was only when the sounds whose absence she had felt so strongly entered her peripheral that the spell she'd been under broke, realizing that the day would finally start for real. Gathering her tools, and putting them away she started to move to those red doors.

\- 散り始め –

It looked better now, with children running around and a few parents talking by the gate. It was a familiar scene, and without even trying she zoomed in on the squabbling group of girls that was the Sasuke-fan club. It was an alliance of a sort, and though from the outside it looked like a friendly gaggle of girls giggling together over a shared crush, she knew it to be rife with internal politics.

It was a coalition in the loosest sense, each of them vying for his attention and eventual love. Every day the definition of fashion, style and beauty were discussed. Everyone claiming that how they looked would work best, and as such backhanded compliments were a given. Those whose fashion senses were closest together usually would back each other up; for example if it came down to defending the potential success of short hair Kagome and Ai would band together.

That was it at its worst, but when the claws were retracted and all the barbs had been thrown, tensions simmered down and lighter subjects would be talked about, such as the ranking of the other boys in their year, how there was some juicy gossip about what was happening at Court or how much of a hardass Mizuki-sensei could be during Taijutsu class.

Usually she would have made a beeline for it, to gauge with the rest of the club if Sasuke-kun was approachable this early in the morning or if he was in one of his worse moods. She would have walked over there with a smile and a strut, ready to prove to the rest of them that today she would succeed in getting his attention.

She wasn't feeling up to it, not in the mood to hear barbs about her forehead or any other part of her person when she was already down enough about herself as it was. Indeed, once again those red doors were taunting her, and with a slight grimace she walked towards them because she had been practicing her shurikenjutsus precisely because acing every exam the last for years in the manner she had… simply not been enough.

Two minutes later she was in the same classroom as always, and looking around she saw that Sasuke was already seated. Hinata was as well, the Hyuuga heiress seated in the first row and quiet as always. Some other were as well, Shinji and Kenji laughing in the back. If she remembered right they wouldn't pass their Jounin exam, as far as she was aware.

She could sit next to Sasuke-kun and piss off the other girls, but she remembered how no matter how often any of them sat next to him he wouldn't pay them any extra mind, and how on the day of their graduation he had called her annoying with a dirty look. Even having been on his team, his opinion of her hadn't changed much, if at all.

No…she could make eyes at him from any point in the room; she'd leave that seat free for someone else. Shinji and Kenji would fail, she had just been stripped of her rank, and so…fittingly she would sit next to them. Yes, she would earn her place beside Sasuke-kun, and not just assume and demand; after all, she had assumed she was a proper Genin and look where that had gotten her.

They weren't even the worst of her classmates, though to be honest she didn't know much about them apart from their names, travelling in completely different social circles. They weren't too loud and brash, like Naruto and Kiba, so she wouldn't have to put up with that nonsense.

That was good enough in her book, and so she took seat next to Shinji. The two boys stopped talking for a moment, looking at her and then back at each other, before shrugging and reopening their conversation. The topic was the return of Kenji's sister, who had been on border patrol for a long while now.

Sakura was curious which border, but clearly that factor was long known since Shinji never asked, and she didn't feel like intruding. So, she just grabbed her notebooks, and set up shop in the back of the room, where she rarely sat. All the while she learned that Amaya, the sister, was going to take a week off and spend time with the family. Shinji was invited for dinner, and he said he'd have to check with his mom, but that she'd likely okay it.

The rest of the class filed in, with Ino doing a double take before smirking and taking seat next to Sasuke-kun. The two boys next to her had focused on her when the Yamanaka took what was obviously a very coveted seat, expecting her to bristle like the rest of the fan club.

She thought about doing so to keep up appearances, but instead decided that today she just wouldn't; see what everyone else made of her behavior. Opening one of her notebooks she started to "read" and had to stifle the smile that threatened to appear on her face when she heard the confused whispers of her neighbors and felt more than one curios look directed at her.

Not a minute later the bell rang, and as punctual as ever Iruka-sensei walked in. That stopped her for a second, as it occurred to her for the very first time why the chronic tardiness of Kakashi-sensei had bothered her as much as it had; it was the polar opposite of the punctuality of the instructor they had had for four years.

 _Huh_.

He started reading rollcall, and so she learned that the people on her bench were Maki Shinji and Nakano Kenji. She committed that to memory, and looked around the room, cataloguing everyone else whose name she had never bothered to fully remember. Looking around the room she saw that her other future teammate was not here yet, and his name was soon to be called.

As if having planned this – she wouldn't put it past him in the slightest – Uzumaki Naruto entered through the open window right as his name was called, a wide grin on his face. Iruka-sensei merely glared, and probably muttered something along the lines of "brat", before moving on. Had the boy come truly late, the scarred Chunin would have chewed him out in front of the class.

Besides, as most people had learned by now, if Naruto was early that meant he had something planned for during class, and if he missed a class it meant that the whole of Konoha might be his target. Barely on time was usually a good omen.

Taking a seat next to Kiba, he cast a glance at her and blushed. As annoying as he was, there was no denying that knowing someone thought you were the prettiest girl in the class was a confidence boost. The fact that she knew that he would graduate – never mind that she had never learned how – and that he had been able to move against Zabuza Momochi made some of her reservations fade.

He was still an idiot and the most garishly dressed individual she had ever seen, and Sasuke-kun clearly still had hold of her heart, but she wouldn't be as dismissive of him as she had been. He would be her teammate, and as Kakashi-sensei had drilled into them abandoning your teammates made you worse than trash.

She refocused on the present as Iruka-Sensei spoke, putting his clipboard down.

"All right, so everyone is here today, splendid. Glad to see that everyone is taking this seriously, because in a little more than two weeks you guys will be taking your graduation exam. That is why largely these next two weeks are focused on revision, and the new things you will be taught are of utmost importance."

Stern brown eyes swerved across the room.

"I expect each and every one of you to give it your all, as being anything less will not get you to Genin. If anyone has questions these are the days to ask them. If you want to get better at Taijutsu don't hesitate to approach Mizuki-sensei, and any questions about the academic load or ninjutsu can be brought to me. Genjutsu is Izumi-sensei, as you well know."

"That being said, today we are going to be learning about how the significance of the Chunin Exams and why their current form is actually more dangerous."

Everyone perked up at the mention of the Chunin Exams, and Sakura nodded to herself, memories of this lecture bubbling to the surface.

"Now, who can tell me what is different about the Exams we host today, and those that were held when the Sandaime was young?"

A few hands went into the air, and though she knew the answer, Sakura refrained from doing so.

"Yes, Jun?"

"Before the Third World War each village held their own Chunin exams, still bi-annually, but following it they were turned into an international project of collaboration – a promotion of peace."

Their teacher smiled. "Correct, that is a good synopsis of the situation. However, today were going a bit further than that. First we'll do quick review of ultimate effects of the Third World and why those, specifically, led to the creation of an international cooperation."

Taking out a pencil, she started taking notes, but not as focused as she usually did, much of the information already up for recall. It was interesting, though, because once the recap of the Third World War was complete, and the National exams had been discussed in detail – they, too, had only been held in a time of peace – he asked a pointed question about their current form.

"So, if these exams are held to promote peace, and improve international relations, why does the option of refusing to send any participants exist?"

She had known the answer before, but her recent experience gave her new insight. Last time she had merely said, "To punish, or make a statement to a rivaling nation". It wasn't incorrect, but it was…a surface level reason.

Looking underneath the underneath, as Rule 21 stated a shinobi must, she found that it existed because as much as these exams were a promotion of peace, a single incident during them could break the whole of the operation down, once again bringing war – and that was not their purpose. She knew that there were wavers that said that death during the exams was not an act of war, but that was a level of trust some countries might not be able to give each other; everyone knew damn well that Iwa would never send a team to Konoha and vice versa. Hell, she already balked at the mere idea of having hers be held in Kiri.

It was a game with stakes, and not only was it a pit of gambling for the civilian populace and the very rich, it was also a gambling game for each nation. Send participants and get reputation in a foreign place, and show off the prowess of your Shinobi, or send none at all to preserve the peace whilst letting your Genin get stronger so that half a year later they can dominate those exams. If the political tensions between two nations ran particularly high they might, if they felt it worth it, send one team.

This team would be a scouting team, a test for the hosting nation, because if this team turned up dead by the end of the exams, it would prove that their former caution was the correct stance to take; stoke the present hate in the troops.

She raised her hand.

"Yes, Sakura?"

"The option to not send any participants at all exists because while it is a collaboration, sending participants is still an extension of trust, one which a country might not be willing to make in regards to another. The lack of trust between these two nations, if they do choose to send participants, could exacerbate already tense relations, turning a project of peace into the thing that triggers a fresh war. That is not what anyone wants. Or similarly, the exams could be used to prove preconceptions and propaganda of another state right; for example the death of an Iwa team here in Konoha would prove that Konoha's conviction for peace is paper thin."

"Very good, Sakura, that is absolutely correct. The inclusion of it in the Chunin Exam Accords is because it was made with Shinobi rule 24 in mind, 'A Shinobi must be wary of the fragility of peace'. It is this provision that has allowed for international relations to strengthen to the patchwork of testy alliances that exist today."

Iruka-sensei continued, "Had it been mandatory to participate in every single Exam, regardless of its host, the peace of today would have fallen to the wayside years ago. After all, if it had no exit clause it would have felt too much like a trap, and the Kage who created the Accord were more than aware of that. Therefore, given that it is a collaboration but it isn't fully binding, the Accord is what we call a voidable contract."

Clapping his hands, he finished with a smile, saying, "And that concludes an overview of the Chunin Exam Accords, which means that this lecture is over. However, you still have a class before the break."

In a swirl of leaves Mizuki-sensei appeared. His grey hair down loose, and a grin on his face, green eyes glinting with joy. "Exactly, dear students, for the next two hours I shall drill some skill into you, and that, I am afraid, is very much a fully binding arrangement; no rest for anyone. Now come, anyone who is late will have to run 5 extra laps!"

People scrambled, leaving books and bags behind – everyone knew he wasn't bluffing. While Mizuki-sensei was just a kind as Iruka-sensei when class was over, he was a harsh task master during what he called "the hours where I own you all, where my word is law".

Disrespect got you extra exercises, disobedience got you extra exercises, and being distracted got you extra exercises. During sparring he was more lenient, but even there disrespect got you into trouble, so even Kiba and Naruto knew that starting shit was not a smart thing to do.

He always knew how to make everyone work up a sweat, but not overdo it so that they still had energy to go on through the rest of the day at the academy. He had also given everyone a workout that was tailored to them, one to complete when not on the academy grounds, but that was the one thing he never enforced. He had said he expected it to be adhered to, but that it was up to the individual if they upheld Rule 16 or not.

 _Rule 16:_ _"A Shinobi must turn weakness into strength._

As long as you completed the exercises he tasked everyone with during Taijustu class he wouldn't bother you over it, no matter how slow you did it, though that would cost you points. As such her grades in this class had never been the best - the only average grade on her entire graduation list - since what she lacked in speed and stamina she made up for in form.

It had been an arrangement that had allowed her to both a lady and a kunoichi, and a tactic that more than a few in the Sasuke fan club used in order to "pass class and stay classy". A tactic she was no longer going to use, since it had led to her not being fast enough.

After ten minutes of stretching and warm up the training really began, and Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, pushed herself to the limit, as she started to uphold Rule 16.


	5. Chapter 5

Chirihajime 1.5

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

She disliked cold showers, and as such she'd never really followed the protocol of hot to cold after a workout – not that many girls did, actually – but right now her mind was being changed. It was refreshing, immensely so, and her muscles were thanking her.

Sakura had been expecting to feel it, pushing herself like she had, but Sage, she hadn't thought she'd end up as dead on her feet as she was. Covered in sweat dirt, feeling as if everything in her was on fire and breath coming in gasps – not to mention the stabbing in her sides! – she had all but stumbled towards the showers in a daze.

It would get better, with time, and she'd no longer stumble towards the showers, but she was pretty sure that this cold blast of fresh water that quelled the fire in her limbs would be welcome every time. A few minutes later, when she felt that the cold was no longer really that beneficial she turned the knob, raising the temperature. The change was gradual but she was practically purring in pleasure, her body appreciating the way it was being treated right now.

She knew why the teachers had stressed taking their showers this way; the cold decreasing the inflammation of the muscles, joints and tendons as the rushing blood calmed down, while the hot brought it back into circulation, staving off stiffness and flushing out dead cells, and even improving the health of the bones. All in all, it was the smart and healthy thing to do.

 _I really am a creature of comforts, aren't I?_

She looked at the body lotion bottle she had in her hand, the one she'd gotten for her birthday, and found she really couldn't deny it. It was for civilians, supposedly even for ladies of stature. Not that there was anything wrong with wanting to smell nice, and not that there was anything wrong with enjoying a warm shower either but… she liked to think that she wasn't just innately pretty but logical.

Something that was now slightly in doubt, because if she wasn't even willing to sacrifice this small amount of effort for a gain in physique what else did she let slide because it was…comfortable? It set a horrible precedent.

She sighed softly, realizing that she was going to have to check herself for bad habits since the first time round no one had pointed them out to her. She put her hand on her stomach and wriggled her toes.

 _Yeah, I can handle a little introspection every now and then. Maybe Sasuke-kun even likes them humble!_

Sakura thought of how humble her crush was, and snorted.

 _And Ino is actually made of pork!_

Smiling she started to rub the lotion all over her body, getting rid of any of the grime that the water may have not yet removed. She listened to the conversation going on around her, and was almost startled when Kagome addressed her.

"So, Sakura, why'd you go all out? It's not as if tits are made of muscle, ya know?"

Green eyes glared at the brunette, who, it was true, had something of an advantage as far as the chest was concerned. She was also something of a bitch.

"True, otherwise you'd be at the front of the pack, no?"

The girl smirked, eyes approving of the turnaround. She did so love her verbal spars.

"Point, but at least I didn't look completely out of it in front of Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura felt a frown make its way onto her face. Not because of what the girl had said, so much as the fact that it would have actually bothered her. She really had been taking herself a bit too seriously. Not to mention that this was nothing compared to stuttering, crying, fainting and….

 _Nope, think of punching Kagome in the face! Slap the shit out of her! Wipe off that stupid smirk!_

"To be fair, I don't think he saw much of either us, what with him being at the front almost constantly."

"Eh, I think no one missed you stumbling to the showers. It was the height of elegance, I assure you."

"Good to know that those kunoichi classes paid off, then, no?"

"Ha, I think if Suzume-sensei saw that you'd be in remedial."

Sakura chuckled, turning off the water. "You're probably right, that old crone would not take anything less than perfect."

The smirk on the short-haired girl's face widened, "Which is why yours truly passed with flying colors!"

"Clearly not in Kenjougo," said Sakura, mimicking the tone of Suzume-sensei.

The taller girl laughed, and both of them grabbed their towels – pink and yellow respectively. Walking towards the changing room, they continued to exchange words. The bite, however, was gone.

"What lotion are you using by the way, it actually smells really nice."

Sakura preened. "Thanks, it's the new Plum Rain. Ain't cheap though."

"Ah, yeah, I remember them advertising about it a little while back."

"What do you use?"

She was shown a mint-green bottle. "It's Fortune oil, makes me feel squeaky clean like you wouldn't believe."

"Does it also make you lucky," she asked with a smile.

The brunette opened door, and answered, "Lucky enough to be me? Don't need it for that, now do I?"

It would have been a good line too, if she hadn't promptly been hit in the face by a blue towel. There was a beat of silence before everyone present started to laugh.

\- 散り始め –

She bit into her second ration bar with gusto, eating the extremely bland bar as if it was an o-bento made by her mother. It was one of the things that no-one enjoyed – Choji least of all – but nobody could deny that they were damn effective.

It wasn't a daily requirement, but every so often no one got to enjoy a normal lunch and had to do it with rations, which taught them to tolerate them. There was no schedule to these days, and people groaned when it was announced but everyone knew better than to eat anything else in the open, or you'd have to do the next day without any food at all and learn what it was like if you didn't eat the emergency rations that were supposed to keep you going on extended missions.

She'd done so once, and her parents had apparently been told to make sure Sakura held up her end of the bargain; no breakfast, lunch or dinner for that day. Not that the academy stopped you from buying something on your own, but the point was that if they caught you eating during school, they'd eat if for you. In front of you.

They did offer you a ration bar at the start of the day, at lunch and when day was done. Their teacher were generous people indeed, and rarely were there second offenders. Kakashi-sensei's advice/order the first time they'd met had been a continuation of that trend, and it had really brought home the saying "A hungry shinobi, is a dead one".

She'd also never quite appreciated just how quickly and well these things replenished a worn out individual, because while the shower had refreshed her it hadn't erased her tiredness or hunger, and these did both! They didn't fill you and by the time dinner came rolling around the same hunger she'd felt moments ago would be back, but they kept you going, as was their purpose.

So, even though these bars might as well be bark – she'd eaten that too on one of the survival nights – they were, just like her new shower regimen, a small sacrifice to make. In fact, now that she thought about it, she should actually look into how to make these herself, because while both tasted terrible, these bars were a lot easier to consume.

Adding it to her mental list things of things to learn, though not a priority, she drank some more water and with the rest of the girls watched Sasuke-kun. He was sitting on the roof and he was staunchly ignoring them, as always, and it was frankly amusing how blatant everyone was being. No one was even whispering.

"Did you see him today, doing that new move like he's been doing it all his life?"

"Yeah duhhh, I have eyes you know."

"Oh we know, Kei, we all saw you looking at Kiba when he took off his coat!"

The dark-haired girl sputtered, a small blush gracing her features. "Not true, I only have eyes for Sasuke-kun! He's going to be my boyfriend, you'll see!"

"As if he'd ever downgrade to you after he falls for me," boasted Kagome.

"Don't know if you're that lucky," said Sakura, smile upon her lips.

The shorthaired girl huffed. "Don't need luck for that, just perseverance and a normal forehead."

"Oh, you sure you won't throw in the towel at some point?"

Everyone giggled, and the Kagome glared. Ino then addressed her, a curious look on her face.

"Speaking of giving up, have you given up on gaining Sasuke-kun's affection, because this morning you let a perfectly good opportunity slip by and this afternoon you made a sweaty fool of yourself in front of him. If not, then you're just being sloppy, Sakura."

 _Ah, there it is, her unquenchable need to know everyone's motivations._

"No, neither of those is the case. I wonder if you can figure out the why of it all, Ino."

Blue eyes that lacked a pupil gained a competitive glint. "It that a challenge, Billboard Brow?"

"Yes, I suppose it is, Ino-pig."

With that declaration now out the way she checked the time and found she still had ten minutes of break left. Plenty of enough time ask Mizuki-sensei about a taijustu style that met her requirements. Standing up she started to make her way to the where she knew the Teacher's lounge to be.

She was surprised to find that Ino let her have the last word at all, queen bee that she was. Not about to complain about being given what she considered a victory, she nodded to Izumi-sensei who was tasked with keeping an eye on everyone.

The slim woman nodded back, red lips still as straight as ever. Sakura was pretty sure that nothing could make them move, and that the Chunin was unflappable. A year ago Naruto had even been dared by Kiba to get their teacher to smile or show surprise within a month's time. Suffice to say, it had not worked, and after a particularly daring try she'd put him in a genjustu that made him think he was mute. It had been a blissfully quiet that day.

Ever since then there was a war between the two, with Naruto trying the most outlandish of things, and sometimes his pranks succeeded, but even when covered in orange paint she remained stoic, only her tone of voice indicating mood. Other times it was Naruto that was had, a genjutsu making him talk to his desk or walking into the wall, however even her own work didn't make those lips quirk up.

Yes, Sakura privately suspected that Sasuke-kun and Shino took ques from her.

Dodging two six year old's that were wrestling in front of the red doors, she arrived at her destination not a minute later. The lounge was pretty full, teacher of all four years talking and eating – not rations bars, but actual food – she found Mizuki-sensei at the same table as Iruka-sensei and Isao-Sensei, who taught all first years how to read and write properly.

"Excuse me, Mizuki-sensei could I speak to you for a moment?"

The grey-haired man smiled and replied, "Sure, Sakura-san, is the table in the corner over there okay with you?"

She nodded, and so they moved. Once seated, the Chunin asked, "So, what is it you wanted to talk about Sakura-san?"

"Well, I was thinking about the fact that Konoha Basic, whilst a good base to possess, is a bit too rigid for my liking and I was wondering if you knew of any style that was more fluid and focused more on dodging."

The man looked surprised for a moment but then seemed to give it some thought. "Hmmm, I assume that you're not too interested in furthering this particular style and getting good at Konoha Standard, which would be next logical step?"

"I was under the impression that Konoha Standard was just as focused on forms as Basic, or am I wrong?"

"No, you are right that it is still rather rigid, but it does offer more freedom than Basic, which is to be expected as Basic is the stepping stone to most other styles that are practiced in our village and are not Clan based. I would actually encourage you to at least learn it nominally before looking elsewhere, since if you make it to Genin I am sure that your Jounin-sensei will teach you a style that suits you best personally and allows you to fill out the combat role that you are assigned."

Sakura nodded as she absorbed that information. She knew that each team was to be a unit with a specific application, so leaving the specialization to the Jounin made a whole lot of sense.

"Would I also be right, then, in assuming that a practitioner of Konoha Standard would be able to better learn any soft or hard style that suited their needs?"

"Absolutely, since Standard is more demanding of the body, which should make the demands of other styles a little bit more lax in turn. Though, if you're already committed to eventually going for a soft style, I would definitely recommend improving stamina and flexibility."

"Yes, I suspected as much. Do we have any scrolls on it in the library?"

"We do. I'd go for the ones written by Matushita, since I know that you're a more theory oriented learner than most, Sakura-san," he said with a smile.

She returned it and said, "Thank you for listening and giving all the advice!"

"It is not a problem, Sakura-san, although…"

"Yes, Mizuki-sensei?"

His eyes crinkled in joy, just like they had when he'd come to collect them for taijutsu class.

"Now that you've shown renewed interest in taijutsu I expect you to participate with as much gusto as you did today until the Graduation Exams, or I will be sorely…disappointed."

 _Well, looks like I'm not the only one that has raised the bar._

"Yes, sir!"

\- 散り始め –

She came home, grabbed herself a small snack – some onigiri – and looked for the training schedule Mizuki-sensei had made for her all that time ago. Finding it in one of her drawers, she looked it over and groaned as she realized that…she wasn't done with training yet.

It contained many stretches, so that was a bonus, but the small notes that accompanied it pointed out almost all of her flaws. It wasn't fun to look at, but she knew that he wasn't wrong when he pointed out that though she had basic core strength and a little in her limbs, it was, to put it bluntly "negligible". Not to mention that her stamina was maybe even worse, and if she didn't do something about it, it would come back to bit her in the ass.

So, finishing her snack she laid out the mat she'd gotten years ago, when everything had still been fresh and exiting and looking good hadn't mattered as much as keeping up with the clan kids. For the last two years, however, it hadn't been used as was intended, and had served as a meditation mat instead.

 _That changes now_!

Putting on a white shirt and some shorts she looked over the scroll once more, and then got to work.

Touch her toes whilst standing, whilst sitting, wave her arms in circles, stretch her legs, and finally lean her head to the right, left and then rotate it. Put her head to her leg, one them tucked in, other stretched out, switch sides. Wind Removing pose, 10 sit up's, up into the Balanced Stick Pose, Triangle Pose, Toe stand (both sides), down into the Cobra pose, Locust Pose, and Full Locust Pose.

Seiza, circulate your chakra, and center your breathing. Stand up and deliver 20 side-kicks, 6 push-ups, 20 punches. Take 5 seconds, then 20 side-kicks, 6 side-crunch push-ups, and 20 punches; take 5 seconds, 20 side-kicks, 6 dragon push-ups, and 20 punches.

Sit into Seiza, circulate your chakra and center your breathing for two minutes. Then repeat the set two more times. Get out of Seiza, drink some water, and then move on to the next exercises.

Tree pose for, each side for 30 seconds, whilst circulating your chakra. Then do 20 lunges, 10 wide push-ups, 4 tricep push-ups, 20 squats, 10 sit-ups, 20 sitting twists, 20 elbow strikes, 10 squat kicks, 20 jumping jacks, and finally 10 jump knee tucks.

Drink some, take a 10 second rest and retake the tree pose and repeat it all two more times. Take a 30 second breather and then start to cool down, ending in the corpse position.

By the end Sakura was tired, covered in sweat and really, really hungry. Yet, when she stepped under the shower, letting the cold water hit her skin – she totally didn't squeak – she did feel accomplished.

Sure, she was almost dead on her feet and by the end of it had taken real effort to even lift her limbs, but as she had also discovered during the training earlier today, there was an almost visceral satisfaction to go past what you know is your limit.

To completely let go of any restraints, and just embrace the movement of your body and your chakra; to think of Sasuke-kun blowing fire from his lips, Naruto doing all of his extra exercises and still keeping up with the best of them, or Kakashi-sensei moving faster than the eye can see and say, "I will do that too".

To feel failure and shame nipping at your heels and give them the finger when you did what they barked out you could not do. Yes, there was a strange sort of pleasure to feeling the burn of her lungs and muscles, to feel sweat running down her back, and hear her heart as if it was pumping right in her ear; to have her mind, body and chakra work as one.

It was interesting because even though Sakura knew without a doubt that she was going to feel this tomorrow, that her body would complain and bitch and moan, she'd felt, right at the moment when she'd laid down on her mat and assumed the corpse position, as if she could reach any horizon she chose.

The accomplishment she felt now was different, a mere simulacrum of it, but it was still satisfying.

She turned the nob, smiling as the cold dissipated and some of her aches lessened or disappeared completely. Indeed, as the warm water cascaded down her back she looked forward to achieving that momentary peace – enlightenment, almost – once again on the next day.

She wondered if it could become more than just a moment, if it could become a permanent state of being; if that was the true power of humanity, to be the master of their own life and destiny, to not just think of an outcome, but to _be_ sheer and utter _possibility!_

Maybe that was a nice fantasy, a naïve dream of a girl who wanted to be more than she was, and she was sure that the notion wouldn't hold up in reality, where demons attacked villages and monstrous men killed children without a thought, but just then, in her heart of hearts, she believed in it and _hungered for it_.

The growling of her stomach brought her out of her deep thoughts and she giggled to herself as it occurred to her that maybe she hungered for something a little bit more mundane.

Sakura stepped out of the shower, and dried herself and put on her pajamas, which consisted of a red shirt and some white shorts, and made her way downstairs, where a delicious smell was coming from. And indeed, her mother was cooking, and her father was seated at the table, talking to his wife.

Kizashi Haruno was a tall man, with dull pink hair that had once been even more vibrantly colored than her own. He had a kind, square face, with sharp blue eyes and sideburns that immediately went off into his angular mustache. She'd never seen anyone else have their facial hair in that particular style, and he'd once told her he liked it that way. Not to even mention the…interesting way he'd styled his hair.

No, Kizashi was a singular individual.

He was, however, her father and no matter how odd, or embarrassing he could be, she loved him. Even if his puns were terrible, and his jokes worse than Naruto's. In fact, she was actually 90% sure he told terrible jokes because he enjoyed the faces people made when they heard them.

"Hey dad, have a good day?"

He turned to her, big mouth set in a smile, face falling into all his laugh lines. "I did, actually. Got some good news about trade from the capital. How was yours?"

"Tiring, but good," she answered honestly.

"Not too surprising, we heard you leave before the sun was up! Your mother was just getting up too, so I think that's some kind of record, isn't that right honey, or am just _sprouting_ nonsense again?

The two women sighed simultaneously, sharing a bemused look.

"Dad, that joke is still terrible."

"It really is, but he is right that it's rare for you to be out of bed before me, let alone out of the house!"

"Well, Mom, to use your words: 'the early one wins'.

Her father laughed, a loud and boisterous sound that filled any room he was in.

"She's got you there, Mebuki!"

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, well, if I had to choose between our daughter picking up my good disposition towards mornings, or your sense of humor, I'd pick the former every time."

"Ah, but I bet Sakura would use her name as a pun if the occasion arose."

She thought about it. "Only works if your name is a verb, I think."

"Obviously, but the point remains that you would, if you could."

"I guess."

Her father beamed at her mother, and her mother rolled her eyes.

"Both of you go set the table, food is almost ready."

They did so, and a few minutes later everyone sat down and enjoyed the yakisoba her mother had made. Good conversation accompanied, it, her mother retelling a funny thing that had happened at her department, and Sakura's even asked for seconds. Had Sakura been paying attention to her parents she would have seen the look they'd shared at that moment, but she hadn't and so she just happily accepted her filled plate, and afterwards even ate dessert, without ever realizing that she hadn't adhered to her self-imposed diet all day.

She helped clean up the kitchen, and then went upstairs to her room, grabbed the Konoha Standard scroll she'd borrowed from the library and started to read. Every so often she made a note in the same notebook as her list, linking up with what she knew about Basic, and applying it to what Matsuhita wrote about Standard.

She'd gotten through only the first three chapters when she felt her eyes droop. Looking at the clock she found that it was 9:30, and that her bed was calling her name. She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth, set her alarm, and got into bed, reading chapter four without taking any notes - she'd do so tomorrow – and turned off the lights when she could barely focus at all.

The street was still rather lively at 10 PM in the evening, but within moments she was gone, knocked out like a light. She had no memories that paraded as nightmares and slept solidly until her alarm went off. Groggily she opened her eyes and found that everything hurt and that she wanted to go right back to sleep. Wasn't going to happen though, what with all of her muscles creaking and aching. It also occurred to her that she had to do taijustu like this today, had to walk to the academy like this.

Softly, Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, cursed as it finally registered that if she did it right and followed her plan to letter, the next 56 days would all be like this.

* * *

 **AN:** Her "extra" training is partially what I myself do when I muster up the motivation to do some training (Darebee Final Form work out), things I don't but could do (mix of the Darebee Link, and Avatar Workout) and yoga poses.

Also, "Kizashi" can be translated as "sprouting" (萌し), but interestingly his name is written in katakana, which isn't logographic. So technically his name doesn't mean anything at all, same deal with Mebuki, which can be translated as "Mebuki" (芽吹) can be translated as "budding". Do with that information what you will.


	6. Chapter 6

Chirihajime 1.6

 _"Dead Bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees."_

 _55 days left_

Sitting in a full lotus she breathed in and out, diligently directing her chakra along its designated path. Sakura remembered the difficulty she'd initially had with simply finding her chakra, and getting it to move or do anything she told it to. Now it was as easy as breathing, and funnily enough it been focusing on that rhythm that had caused her early success. That same rhythm would not help in her next task, since it was having her chakra take a particular form and amount.

A hand seal was the focus through which the chakra assumed those forms. She'd never particularly thought about why chakra acted that way, but she supposed hand seals were more mental constructs and supports for the wielder, although she would never exclude the possibility that – since chakra was mixing of physical and spiritual energy – the particular arrangements of her hands contributed. It was, however, not a necessary component, since it was more than possible to do a Justu by using less seals or none at all.

Each seal and the way her charka responded was unique, and the results of certain combinations even more so. It was why doing things with less or no seals at all was the sign of an accomplished ninja, since it meant that their chakra was so used to behaving in that way that it had become something that resembled instinct, more than it did deliberate action.

The opposite, of course, was just as true; you could add hand seals to a chain to change the composition of your chakra and change outcome of your jutsu. Depending on the seal combination you made, or the amount if extra hand seals, the change could range from miniscule to enormous. The danger being that the changes were often unpredictable in nature, which is why Justu Crafting was a whole art on its own, one that was very dangerous for the uninitiated.

Hell, the creation of new hand seals that were tailored to an individual ninja and their justus happened all the time. Whether they worked in combination with the others was another thing, but in theory any quantity and form of chakra could be given a hand seal to represent, helping the wielder out when wanting to use it.

She'd already taken a crack at addition, adding a rat seal to her rendition of her Bunshin, which made them a bit harder to disrupt. They were still completely ethereal, however, as opposed to Naruto's Kage Bunshin. Which, actually, now that she thought about it, used a completely unique hand seal.

Soon she would attempt to do the exact opposite of addition, and instead try and get herself to do Kawarimi without any hand seals. Out of the academy three, it was the most difficult, requiring the most chakra, and having the longest string of hand seals – five instead of three like the others. It also, generally, required keen situational awareness.

Still, if Naruto could use a seal that was not on the curriculum with no trouble at all, then she could get her chakra to do what it did during Kawarimi without using any hand seals. After all, her mastery over the academy three was, aside from needing hands signs, absolute.

Before she ever even attempted it, however, she was going to know inside and out what each hand seal felt like, and then try and replicate that before she ever tried the same with a chain. It was the logical place to start, because honestly, you didn't start to do addition and multiplication before you knew your numbers.

Putting her hand into the Monkey Seal, she felt it form. It was the first one of the twelve they'd learned, supposedly the easiest. Truly focusing on the process, rather than just letting it happen as usual, she was almost startled to discover that it was indeed simple; the circulation in her arms was stronger than usual and constant. If she had to give it a form it was a horizontal bar that, now that she was paying attention, seemed to get incrementally thicker the longer she held the seal.

 _I wonder..._

She let the seal go and put her hands on her knees, and then she tried to replicate what she had just done. The chakra was going to her arms, that was not the difficult part, it was that, just as she had suspected, the "bar" only formed when she held the seal. Clearly the chakra was passing from hand to hand, instead of looping right back in each individual limb. So, in effect, she had to create the bar without that loop.

 _Well, at least it's good to get confirmation of the fact that the physical aspect of the seals really does matter._

Not deterred in the slightest she put her hands into the Dragon Seal, which was the next in line. It was one of the three hand seals that took a while to really get the hang of, the most difficult to form being Bird. Focusing on what her chakra did, she felt her circulation increase and the amount was almost double that of Monkey, the pathways it travelled forming what to her felt like a spear with a large head, stretching almost her full length. It was also…vibrating? Tingling? To confuse her even more it felt heavier somehow, more…there.

 _Right, it's not just quantity or form then. Joy!_

This "thereness" was also as good a description as any, since chakra was so very metaphysical to begin with. Chakra theory was heavy stuff, convoluted, and consisted almost entire of vague terms and abstract concepts. The where of it had never been in doubt, namely that it was everywhere, and the what of it was just as secure, it being a mix of physical and spiritual energies, and the component necessary for life to exists at all.

It was when you got into how and why of it that things got immensely complicated, with terms like quiddity and haecceity being thrown around; she'd taken a look once, and even for an academically inclined person like her it had gone well over her head.

Point was, that unless you had the Byakugan, impressions and estimates like "bar", "spear" and "thereness" were the best you were going to get out of your introspection. And that was for each individual hand seal!

She imagined doing a jutsu that required 20 or more in a row with those measures as a guideline…and saw a lot of failure pertaining that particular endeavor. However, five, for a jutsu she was intimately familiar with, while extremely difficult, should not be as impossible a task.

Even if she didn't succeed in learning it in time for the Wave Mission, she planned on increasing her hand dexterity just in case, because that was the next best thing.

 _Better safe than sorry_.

Putting her hand into the Rat Seal, and the shape her chakra took resembled that of an oval, or even more apt was to call it a Koban, one of those gold coins that represented luck. They were no longer in circulation, but had once been, back in the early days of the village system when each village had had its own currency.

This image was the clearest so far, which was interesting since out of three signs performed it used the least chakra; as in it was as if she was circulating as usual, only in a much smaller area. In fact, if the arrow had possessed a "thereness", this coin possessed a certain "not thereness".

 _Does the amount of chakra influence "thereness"? If so, why is the image so clear? Familiarity?_

It had been the sign she had used to modify her Bunshin, so perhaps familiarity allowed for the mental constructs to be clearer, while a property of this shape was "not thereness". It was a good guess as any, and maybe the other seals would help her hone in on these properties.

Before moving on to Bird, she tried to do Rat without the seal. She imagined the shape, held that in her mind, and while she felt her chakra react, it did not take on the shape or the property. It also felt displaced somehow, not that she knew properly how _that_ fit into it all.

Internally grumbling she put her hand into the Bird Seal, which gave people the most difficulty, simply because it didn't flow as nice as the others. Physically it worked best following Dragon or Horse, but Chakra-wise it was probably a different story.

A bit more Chakra than Rat, but still well below Monkey. It took the shape of a triangle, with two wings on both sides. The circulation was fast and irregular. No tingling, but it was definitely there, sharp.

She let it go, her charka going back to its normal circulation, fainter. Forming Snake, which she personally thought was the easiest Hand Seal to make, it literally just a clasping of the hands, she felt her circulation slow down but get stronger. The form was like that of Rat, only bigger; a coil, at the center of her mass.

It was languidly circulating to the right, outward from where it all formed. It spread no further, as there was no need. It, too, had "thereness" . It was in rhythm with her breathing, and therefore familiar, simple in a way that even Monkey wasn't. Natural, instinctive almost; it was the path all Chakra had to tread.

Unclasping her hands, Sakura let 10 second pass, where she just focused on her breathing, and then slowly she started to pull her chakra into that shape, each consecutive ring more difficult, and when she reached six she made it - with great mental effort - so that it resembled a more complicated version of the spiral that was sown onto the back of very Flak Jacket in the village.

She was planning on circulating it along what now counted as the rim of that symbol, only for her focus to snap when Naruto's chakra spiked. Her eyes snapped open, she turned her head to the left to glare at the boy who had just…failed again at the Bunshin.

The two blonde's looked miserably, one a deep frown on his face, the other looking half dead – and maybe that was being generous. Some others were snickering, and Sasuke-kun was even smirking sexily. It was a very distracting thing, and it wasn't fair that her own smirk didn't look half as good. Sakura blushed, and looked away.

Still, as annoying as it was to be brought out of her trance like state, where she had almost succeeded in using a seal without her hands, she was curious. She knew the Bunshin in and out and it did not require a burst of any sort.

 _Ram, Snake, Tiger!_

Smoke, and suddenly there were three other Sakura's in the room, each seated in a full lotus. All four frowned, before the three new ones were dispelled.

Something…something wasn't adding up here.

No one had noticed that she'd used Bunshin until her clones appeared, which is exactly wherein its strength lay. In fact, all of the Academy Three were subtle little things; not powerful, or all that convincing, but subtle.

The cost was little, the gain was little, but it was a ratio that was equal, and the only one that caused a spike in your system was Kawarimi, since it enhanced your movement for a moment. A spike that was expected, since you were momentarily going to be hit. Anyone who said their chakra stayed placid at such a time was a damn liar.

It certainly wasn't Snake that could cause it, it was too languid for that, so maybe one of the other two did?

Closing her she once more entered her meditative state, closing herself off from the Ninjutsu Classroom, and looking inwards. Once she was wholly focused on her breathing and her circulation she made the Ram Seal.

It was slow to form, but once it started taking shape, it became clearer. It was a dagger that faced downwards. It did not have the sharp property that Bird had possessed. No tingling either, just a dagger, that once created moved not. There was no circulation, and instead as long as she held the seal, it was fixed. Indeed, it's "thereness" was on par with that of Dragon.

So, no, it was not the cause of the spike, which left Tiger.

The dagger faded, and three breaths later she formed the Tiger Seal, which was essentially just two Seals of Confrontation smashed together. Sakura wasn't expecting what followed.

Chakra rushed, out, forming an upside-down flame with two keen eyes beholding them. It was not as much as for Dragon, but it was so much less refined, and oh how it vibrated! It was alive, and focusing so much on what her chakra did, Sakura realized that she hadn't felt this amazed with her own chakra since she'd opened herself up to it.

 _I do this every time I make this seal? How can I…how do I feel bored by the Academy Three?_

She immediately knew the answer: she'd gotten used to getting the jutsu right, so used to just circulating and making the seals, that'd she'd never… that she'd always been obsessed with the end result, and not the process. After all, if the end result was good, why look at what you were doing, why tamper with it?

Yet…she was pretty sure that she wasn't wrong about the fact that this…this wasn't what happened when she did the Bunshin at all. She would have felt this, Sakura was certain of it. She let go of seal, and went back to her breathing, the chakra returning to its usual pathways. Eyes closed, mind facing inwards, she went through the signs; ram, snake, tiger.

Her chakra _moved_ , up and down and out.

She felt the smoke fill the air next to her, but didn't open her eyes, sure that her clones were fine. No, she was much more interested in the fact that her chakra had acted only after she'd finished the seals. Most notably was how everything had connected, how it had gone incredibly smooth, and yet it had lacked the…vibrancy she'd felt only moments ago.

Sakura also just had confirmation that mere knowledge of the form, or amount, or the properties of the hand seals alone was not enough. This chain of only three hadn't left about any impression, only a direction. The quantity of chakra required for one, or even four Bunshin, was thankfully instinctive at this point.

Still, it meant that she had her work cut out for her. At least now she knew what she was working towards, the difficulty level of the task before her, and even with only a direction she was already connecting dots in her mind.

From what she knew of these three seals, of how they functioned individually, she was pretty sure that Snake and Ram both tampered down Tiger. And, opening her eyes and looking at the Uzumaki she suspected that his Tiger somehow was not. She didn't know why, or how, but she felt she wasn't far off.

Maybe, when she figured out how it all worked she'd help Naruto learn the Bunshin, and on her eyelids she saw the mass confusion the use of both corporeal and incorporeal blonde's would cause a Nukenin from the Mist. The smile that appeared on her face just then was sharp and dangerous.

\- 散り始め –

Sakura watched as Ai and Masa made their seals of Confrontation, after which the spar started for real. The two girls were part of the small group of people who were even worse at Taijustu than she was, which was saying something. Still, she was glad that she didn't have to fight yet, her muscles still sore and the warm up had helped only a little. No, her muscles were not going to appreciate what she was going to put them through.

As she watched the two girls move, her mind wandered to what she had learned of the last five hand seals. The most memorable two, by far, were Ox and Hare, which were not just opposites in amount of chakra, but also in the movement thereof. Ox had been…well, it was just there all of sudden. It was, out all the signs, the one that possessed the most "thereness" and the form is took was one that very much reminded her of temple, or a shrine. She had not a clue of how to form it, though.

Hare, was equally difficult, because it was two "balls" of chakra moving along perpendicular lines at a quick pace. When one was at the top, the other was at the bottom, and so on and so forth. As long as you held the sign, they moved.

Boar reminded her of a tub, and Horse of a flower. Boar used more chakra, but Horse moved a little faster. Bothe were less there than Ox had been, but much more than Hare.

Dog, fittingly enough, reminded her of the Inuzuka clan markings, except a line connected them and the chakra circulated through the whole of the form. Where Dragon tingled, and Bird was Sharp, Dog was….soothing. A less demanding Snake, almost, although far less languidly paced.

So, she now knew roughly what each of the 12 Seals felt like when focusing inward, but still had no idea what any of those properties meant, or how to achieve them. Had even less of idea on how they interacted with each other.

It was utterly refreshing to be completely lost, to go "huh" and scratch her head in wonder and consternation. To be interested in something so much that she itched to find a solution, to go rifle through books to find an answer.

As she watched Masa get punched in the gut, after being a bit to slow with her block, Sakura felt a burning need to experiment and to show off, like she had done the first time she had done her slightly more advanced Bunshin. After all, it had been that neat little trick that had pushed her into the slot of Top Kunoichi of the year.

Still, she pushed her thoughts on this conundrum and focused on the fight, lackluster as it was. Not just in a spectator fashion, of who would win, but actually analyzing how the two of them moved. Sakura saw openings, missed opportunities, and mistakes in the next few minutes.

Out of the two, Ai was the clearly superior fighter, but she was much too forward in her motions, too predictable. She favored her arms, and rarely used any of the sweeps or kicks. Masa's stances, meanwhile, were almost as bad as Naruto's. This, coupled with her lack of speed, made it so that she couldn't fully take advantage of this predictability. Not that she didn't get in hits of her own, but they were glancing blows.

Unsurprisingly, it was Ai who won, and with glinting yellow eyes she waited as the blue-haired girl got up with a grumble. They made the Seal of Reconciliation.

"Thank you, girls," said Mizuki-sensei, as Masa and Ai left the ring.

For a man who loved giving out criticism like it was free candy, 'thank you' was his most mild mannered way of saying he was not impressed. It meant that the comments he'd given the lesson before, or even at the start of the term, had not changed. It meant you had not improved, and that that was on you.

Mizuki sensei looked over the rest of them, green eyes sweeping.

"Shikamaru, since you're once again just looking at the clouds I'm matching you up with Kagome."

She laughed along with the rest as she heard the Nara grumble out a "Troublesome". Everyone in the class knew he disliked being put up against a girl, especially one like Ino or Kagome.

The two stood across each other, Shikamaru's eternal slouch making the already tall Kagome look even taller. Her usual smirk was on her face, and he wore his scowl. They made the Seal of Confrontation, after which there was a tense moment, and then the brunette was attacking the still slouched boy.

The girl had reach, a lot more than Shikamaru did, but the boy was slippery as always. His dodges and blocks were just as text books as Sakura's own, rightly placed without hesitance. Kagome, however, was deciding the pace of the battle. She was faster than Ai, and less predictable, but equally forceful.

If Sakura was honest, the cocky girl did have a bite to her bark, Kagome having the highest taijutsu score of all the girls. This was mostly due to the fact that she was vicious, not pulling any punches or kicks; you got hit by her, you felt it.

Still, as good as she was, she was a fully offensive fighter. This meant that If you broke her streak, took advantage of one of her few mistakes, you could turn the tide since her defense, while not terrible, held not a candle to her attacks.

Of course, that required timing and initiative. It was effort, and if there was one thing that Shikamaru did not put into his fights – or anything, for that matter - it was effort. Kagome's tactic was to overwhelm, and that was exactly what was happening, her long limbs getting faster.

Sure enough, a kick got past the Nara's defenses, and pushed him out of bounds. The battle over, a lot quicker than the last one had been, the brunette swaggered forward in victory and offered the boy the Seal of Reconciliation.

"Good job pushing your advantage, Kagome. Shikamaru, as always, you let her walk over you. Being too reticent is going to get you killed, boy. Fix it."

The boy nodded as he once again entered his slouch, and the next pair got called up. It was Naruto versus Osamu, which was an interesting match. Mostly because every match with Naruto, aside from when he faced Sasuke, Kiba, or Shino, was interesting. The boy may have the title of dead-last, but only those three matches were completely one-sided, since he had endurance and could take hits like nobodies business. If he got you in a grapple, he sometimes even won.

Admittedly, his stances and forms were atrocious, and Mizuku-sensei had long given up on changing it. A lost cause, if there ever was one, but over the years Naruto had…made those butchered kata's his own, and somehow he made them work. Not perfectly, or consistently, but for the last two years his losing streaks had been diminishing, and no one could deny it.

Sure, he still had the worst taijutsu grade in the history of the Academy, because he got no points at all for style, but it wasn't as deep in the gutter as it once was. It was, in a way, impressive. Not something to brag about though, but he did, which probably didn't endear him to Mizuki-sensei.

It was, more than likely, the bragging that made their teacher often pit Naruto against people way above his weight class. A reminder of the pecking order. He was also the person a new move was demonstrated on.

As if to prove her point, Kiba barked out a laugh at whatever boast the blond made.

The two boys entered the circle. Both were small, with Osamu being just a bit taller. Osamu had long dark hair and striking grey eyes. He had the fifth or sixth highest taijutsu grade in the class, and had a rivalry going with Kagome and Shino. Oh, and he hated Sasuke-kun, which made him and Naruto actually get along at times. She was pretty sure that the glitter prank two years back had been funded by him, if the alibi he'd provided for the blond had been anything to go by. Didn't make them friends though.

"So, you ready to once again get your ass kicked, Naruto?"

"Pshh, Imma make you eat those words, Osamu."

"We'll see about that, dead-last. I've got a reputation to keep."

Their teacher grinned. "Well, if you're both done trash talking, you can make the sign and get this show on the road."

And so the fight started, with Naruto going recklessly forward, just like he would when facing Kakashi-sensei. Sakura almost sighed. Osamu smirked, dodging and blocking with ease, which only managed to piss the Uzumaki off more.

"Man, he never learns, does he," said Kai.

"No, but that's Naruto for you," answered Ino.

It really was, the idiot. Yet, this same idiot would fool the Demon of the Mist. A fact that still boggled the mind, and if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes she would have laughed and called bullshit.

She wondered why that same crafty creativity that he had used then, and which he used for his pranks, was absent in this circle. Perhaps it had to do with stakes, or Zabuza completely underestimating the boy and playing with all of them. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Naruto thought these matches were fair, mano e mano things. Whatever the reason was, it would fade by the time they reached Wave, and that was good enough for her.

Now, though, the whiskered boy was getting his ass handed to him. Osamu, however, had long ago learned a lesson that many neglected; getting Naruto out of the ring prevented him from turning it into a slugging match. The boy was predictable, and so a rumpled orange suit lay outside the ring within minutes.

The throw by Osamu had been masterful, using barely any of his own power, and merely redirection all of Naruto's movement. In fact, all of his movement had been seamless. Not as fast as Sasuke's, but that mattered little when it was all finesse whereas Naruto had none.

Her future teammate got up with a grumble, and begrudgingly made the seal.

"Told you I'd kick your ass."

"Whatever man, next time I won't fall for that throw!"

"Hmmm, I doubt that Naruto, it was perfectly executed, something you have yet to achieve for any of the katas. So, well done, Osamu, as always. Next time I'll give you a better challenge. Now, Kenji and Ino, you two will face each other."

So it went for a while, Sakura paying attention to how each fight went, and how each of the pairs moved and did. Finally, though, near the end, it was her turn. She was to face Kai.

Kai was, in Sakura's opinion, the easiest person to overlook and would be well suited to going under cover. She was tanned, had brown hair and equally brown eyes, and no particular feature that really stood out; the quintessential Fire Country face. She was generally amiable enough, and was one of the few people in the Fan club who almost everyone got along with. She could join any alliance that formed, and no one would bat an eye. Generally, though, she sided with Masa, and the two of them were near inseparable.

"Go Kai," shouted Masa when both of them entered the circle.

"Go Sakura-chan, kick her ass," encouraged Naruto.

In response she smirked as she took her place, taking a good last look at her opponent.

 _Rule 11: A Shinobi must assess._

The both of them were about the same height, and not too different in build, so neither had a physical advantage. They also shared a very tepid interest in Taijutsu, putting in enough energy to pass, but not more than necessary. Indeed, because of it they were paired together often, but there wasn't a rivalry. In fact, there was a rhythm to their matches, and it was by unspoken agreement that they tried to make their matches look at elegant as possible.

Presentation had trumped outcome, and so it was only Kagome who kept score of wins and losses. A funny arrangement, and one that was going to end today. Sakura was almost sad to put an end to an inside joke that the two of them had been lording over the rest for three years now. It had to be done though, because it wouldn't do to lose to a mediocre academy taijutsu student – not if she wanted to face the likes of Zabuza.

She wasn't going to just spring this new ambition on the girl though, Kai didn't deserve that. No, Sakura now wanted to see what it was like when both of them gave it their all. Who would win, and who would lose.

"Kai, sounds like they want a fight. Let's give them one, shall we? One that they'll remember."

Brown eyes sharpened. "Oh, more than just a dance then?"

"Yes, let's put our best foot forward for our audience."

"You sure you up for it, you looked miserable yesterday."

Sakura smiled sweetly. "Oh, I'm sure. I'll show you what it means to look miserable."

A white eyebrow was raised. "Alright, ladies, looks like you're both pumped today. Make the sign and begin this…dance of yours."

She raised her index and middle finger, and so the confrontation began.

Sakura went on the offensive, as she so rarely did. Two quick punches and a leg followed, but the brunette was ready, and the punches were blocked and the kick was dodged, going for a sweep of her own.

Sakura jumped over it to the side, and blocked the left hook coming her way, and deflected the flurry of punches that followed.

 _Kata 3._

She knew the knee was coming before Kai even started moving her leg, stepped to the left and she swept her right leg, tripping her opponent. The girl fell into a roll, and was right back into the fight. Sakura ducked under a hasty elbow, and her retaliatory uppercut was barely dodged. She was the one to send up a knee this time, and from then on Kai was fully on the defensive.

 _Let's see how you do against kata 15!_

Sakura got in close, and their limbs clashed for a while. A particularly vicious kick by the brunette made Sakura hiss, and she just knew that was going to bruise. Sakura felt very good about herself when a punch made Kai wince.

It was intense, her blood pumping, but annoyingly it looked like they were evenly matched, and Sakura felt her muscles start to protest. They were both sweating, and her opponent clearly wanted to create distance, but she was not going let that happen.

Doggedly Sakura stayed her course, whittling away at her opponents defense, and then Sakura saw what she'd been waiting for: an opening. It was one she usually ignored, and she was pretty sure that Kai was banking on that fact. But no, an opening was an opening.

 _Hah, time to put your back into it, girl! Show these bitches we mean business, shannaro!_

Brown eyes widened when she grabbed the outstretched arm, turned, and heaved with a shout. Her muscles were not happy, but they did what they were supposed to, and for the first time outside of kata demonstration Sakura used a throw.

With a thud her opponent hit the ground, and Sakura poised her foot on the girls neck, still holding to her arm. The jeers and constant chatter that had surrounded the match were gone for a moment, silence reigning. Kiba broke it most masterfully with a long whistle, and a statement.

"Now _that_ is how you throw down!"

"Whooo, yeah, Sakura-chan!"

Other people made comments, but she cared about only one person's opinion.

Sasuke-kun looked as aloof as always, and there was barely even a change in expression. In fact, it looked like he hadn't even been watching the match, because a flicker of surprise went through his onyx eyes – you pick things up when watching someone for years – and while it wasn't exactly shocking, it still stung. Not even or nod or anything, then again, she supposed Sasuke-kun could beat the two of them blindfolded.

Kai tapped on the ground, and Sakura took a step back, letting go of her hold. The brunette got up, a scowl on her face, greedily sucking in breath. They made the Seal of Reconciliation and faced Mizuki-sensei, to hear his verdict.

He was smiling.

"Well done, girls, well done! Good work all around, this was a solid match. As Kiba so eloquently put it, Sakura, that is indeed how one throws down. Kai, that was very good footwork. Continue this trend, and you'll both pass with good grades."

As Shinji and Sasuke were called up, and she and Kai left the circle, Sakura couldn't resist making a dig.

"Told you I'd make you look miserable."

The glare sent her way only made her grin more.

\- 散り始め –

 _54 days left_

"Alright, Haruno, I'll bite. Why you been sitting at our table for the past four days? Is there trouble in the Fan-club, or what? You been exiled?"

Sakura blinked as Shinji addressed her, having taken seat next to her. She was pretty sure that this would be the first proper conversation they'd have.

"No, nothing like that. I still talk to them at lunch, don't I?"

"I guess," replied the boy with the very square jaw, "but clearly something is up, because not once have you tried to sit next to the Uchiha, and everyone known you one them early birds. Don't flip about it being gone neither, like the rest - like you used to."

She looked at the seat that was currently occupied by a very happy Masa, who was valiantly trying to get a conversation going. Wasn't going so hot, rather like trying to get a wall to talk. She'd know, having done same. Also, Ino and Kagome were conspiring and Kai was keeping an ear out for what might wait in the wings for her best friend.

"Is this your way of saying you want me to scram?"

"Oh no, not at all. You're free to sit here all you like, in fact I insist on it."

"You insist?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

He grinned. "Because I've got a theory about this whole business. Been thinking, you see."

 _Way too easy_.

"Oh, you do that?"

Thin black eyebrows rose up. "Alright, yeah, I walked right into that one. Still, you've upset the status quo, Haruno. I'm far from the only one who's mighty curious. I bet you even the Uchiha's wondering what changed."

He raised his index finger. "A bet you're hoping will pay off, because from the way I still see you staring at Mr. Dark and Broody, you still dig him. Not only are you sowing chaos in the Fanclub, but you're making yourself stand out to the Uchiha. So, how close am I?"

He was right, in a way. She had intentionally upset the status quo, though she'd never tell him that she'd taken this seat as a self-inflicted penalty, since that was downright mean. The bit about causing confusion was spot on though, and it was actually a lot of fun. Never let it be said that Sakura disliked herself some attention.

She hadn't ever considered that by taking a step-back from showing Sasuke-kun her affection she might be getting into his good graces. It wasn't the worst leap of logic, though if Sakura was honest, it was by being…annoying that they were all even on his radar to begin with. After all, she was pretty sure Sasuke-kun wouldn't know who the hell Shinji was if she asked him.

 _Girl, I wouldn't be that honest with him._

"Hmm, not a bad guess. A girl's got to have her secrets, however. Also, that still doesn't tell me why that makes you insist on me having this seat, though?

His grin got bigger.

"Ah, well, see, I don't care too much about the success of your gamble, but I do like the way you got the whole rumor mill in a tizzy, and that, Haruno, is why I insist on this being your seat from now on."

"Oh, Maki-kun, are you sure it's nothing to do with the fact that one of the most beautiful girls is sitting next you?"

"I mean, I thought that factor was so obvious it didn't bear repeating?"

"It does," and she smiled expectantly at him, just like Kunoichi class had taught.

He rolled his dark blue eyes, and dutifully said. "I insist, Haruno-san, on this being your seat from now on because you're the most beautiful girl in the class."

"Thank you for being honest."

He snorted. "You're a charmer, Haruno. I can see why you and Yamanaka butt heads all the time."

"You're pretty charming yourself, saying most beautiful."

"As you said, I'm honest."

"Shall I sit at another table and leave you two to your flirting, or what?" Kenji's voice made the two of them jump, and blush.

"That…we were not flirting, man."

The boy with the green hair smirked. "Sure sounded like it to me. Look, you're both blushing too. I call that proof."

"All I said was that he was honest," replied Sakura.

"No, you also called him charming, which, by the way, is a term I've never heard from the Fan-club about Douchebag #1."

"Sasuke-kun is not a douchebag, and he is plenty charming!"

"Oh really, has he called you the most beautiful girl in class?"

"….no."

"Well, there you go, he's not charming. Now, Mr. Honest, is her Sasuke-kun a douchebag?"

"Yes," came the resolute answer.

"Exactly, and ergo, you two were flirting."

"Yeah, well, I think you're a douchebag," she said in a huff.

"Oh I am, totally. Just not #1."

"What spot on the douchebag list do you occupy then, Nakano?

"Fourth," he said proudly.

She looked at Shinji, and said, "He just wants to call himself the Fourth, doesn't he?"

The dark-haired boy nodded. "Yeah, you got that right."

"I resent that accusation. I'll have you know that the list goes Sasuke, Kiba, Osamu, me and then Naruto. It's actually public record."

"It so is not."

"Actually," said Shinji with a sigh, "it is. The Douchebag List hangs in the male changing room."

"Seriously?"

They both nodded.

"And Sasuke-kun hasn't taken it down?"

Two identical grins appeared.

"See, and here we have to credit Naruto, it's called the D-rank List. Sasuke checks it out every week to see if he's still #1, since D-rank would, kind of, be what fourth years could be called. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

"Yeah, it's probably the subtlest prank Uzumaki ever pulled. It also the only reason we put him as low as we did, since there no way Uchiha would fall for it if Uzumaki was, say, in third place."

"That… I don't believe you. Naruto would never, not in a million years, be able to _not_ brag about the fact that he's been pranking Sasuke-kun for a year."

"Listen to one their arguments once. Naruto may be an idiot, as far as most things are concerned, but he's got a keen sense of humor. He wouldn't ruin what is probably the longest running gag he's ever pulled."

She looked at Naruto, who was squabbling with Kiba about something or other. He fiddled with those ridiculous goggles of his. She'd actually forgotten that they'd been his trademark long before he'd started wearing orange.

"Also," added Shinji, "do you think that the Uchiha actually ever listens to what Uzumaki is saying to him? He doesn't, pays even less mind to the ramblings of that idiot than the rest of us combined. I mean, look at him right now, ignoring Itou with little to no effort."

That sounded much more reasonable, because Sakura had trouble putting Naruto and the word subtle in the same sentence. He wore that eyesore of a jacket, for Kami's sake! Sasuke-kun and putting up a wall to any and all conversation, now that was a truth she'd experienced firsthand. Hell, she was pretty sure the whole class tuned out half of what Naruto said at any given moment.

"Alright, I can agree that he's pretty good at not listening."

Grey eyes crinkled in joy. "You mean ignoring, like the douchebag he is."

"I'm going to pull a leaf out of his book, then, and ignore you!" She crossed her arms.

"Eh, sure, doesn't change that fundamental truth. And Sakura, don't you worry, we'll help you out."

Green eyes narrowed. "…with what?"

"With escaping from the genjutsu he's put you under for years now, of course. Isn't that right, Kenji?"

He nodded sagely. "Yes, we'll save you, Haruno."

With a huff she grabbed a scroll and started reading, stoutly ignoring the snickers next to her.

\- 散り始め –

The sun was shining brightly, a warm summer day. Sakura had just won spar against Kiba, and with a huge smile ran towards Iruka-sensei, who held out her forehead protector. She was graduating!

She reached out for that piece of cloth and plate, only to feel steel cut through her when she touched it. Everyone's eyes turned a judgmental brown as Sakura gurgled and tried oh so hard to put her slick organs back into her body – it wasn't working.

She saw her legs lay there, toes wriggling independently. Blood kept seeping out of her, and the heat of this summer day was leaving fast, being replaced by an icy cold. Dark chuckles filled the air. It started to rain, small baby water dragons falling down, and coiling into a big bank of mist.

"8 choices: Liver, Lungs, Spine, Clavical Vein, Neck Vein, Brain, Kidneys, Heart."

Dark laughter, mixed with snickers of two boys. "I made my choice on you and the old man."

Some of the mist next to her cleared and there lay Tazuna, his own organs flopping out of his stomach. He wasn't even trying to put them back in, dark eyes unseeing. Only his raggedly breath showed signs that he was still alive, if barely.

"Come on Sakura-san, you're smart, what choice did I make?"

"Spine," she choked out.

"Correct. Not enough to get in my bingo book, though. Little girl playing Ninja is all you are. Die!"

Everything faded, warmth and sound and sight. The cold and the dark choked her, crushed her. She couldn't' scream, because she had no air in her lungs. Didn't have lungs. Maybe they'd fallen out too!

One after the other, roaring like water dragons, white bandages appeared until the face of the Demon of the Mist hung over her in that inky blackness. She was nothing, and he was everything. In his low voice he used her own words against her.

"Told you I'd make you look miserable."

Sakura shot awake, greedily breathing even as those words and images continued to play in her head. She was trembling, once again covered in cold sweat. Tears sprung from her eyes as she clutched her stomach, knowing that her organs were all in place, and functional, but feeling phantom pains of warm and squishy things in her hands.

Her stomach was roiling, cramping, as if trying to hold on to things she had lost. Her chakra was all over the place, and she couldn't think. Her sheet felt sticky, and warm, and Sakura thought she smelt copper, but that had to be her imagination.

She had hoped, oh how she had hoped, that working herself to the bone really was doing the trick, that she'd be too tired to dream and remember. It wasn't to be. She knew that this was natural, that a trauma like dying and being bisected did not pass within a few days; that no amount of hoping, and wishing, and pretending was going to erase those memories.

She knew this, and yet she had tried, and as pathetic as she was, she'd gotten a measly two days of rest out of it. Two days, that was how long she could apparently keep her deepest and darkest fears at bay! Hell, she was so pathetic that they could even use the fun things she'd been distracting herself with these past two days to make the memories worse – make them feel more present.

The rot of her own death was spreading and it was the most terrible thing in the world. Her mind and memory, things she was so proud of, were betraying her. Her own strength was being turned against her, and for the first time Sakura well and truly understood that ignorance could be bliss.

She did not want to know what it felt like to be cleaved in two. She did not want to know what it felt like to feel you breath and chakra flag and leave you. She did not want to know what it was like to hold onto your own warm insides. She did not want to know what it was like to die.

But she did.

It was knowledge that made her feel small, weak, useless and alone. It made her feel _wrong_ , because should not feel anything at all, she should not be, and yet…she was. She was still Haruno Sakura, perhaps more than she had ever been, and it _hurt_.

It hurt because she felt too much, felt _everything,_ when it should be nothing. It was all mixing and clashing and tearing away at her. She wanted to scream and shout, to laugh and dance and cry, wanted to live and die all in the same breath. She felt disgusting and afraid, and so terribly alive because of it all.

Still shivering and crying Sakura lifted her covers, dead set on cleaning up, she froze when what her nose had been telling her for minutes now was shown to be true by her eyes. She sat in a pool of her own blood, a splotch of dark red against her white sheet.

Vaguely her mind came with a memory that had nothing to with her death, and had only to do with embarrassing puberty things. A sound escaped her lips, and she didn't know what it was supposed to be. It sounded rather mad, a strange sort of warble that was the definition of pitiful.

The first time that her biological clock had started ticking, yes, that had been somewhere around this time, hadn't it? The same sound escaped again, because fucking hell, it had. There was probably some meaning to be found in this particular circumstance, but she didn't even try.

No, Sakura checked her stomach regardless of the fact that mere moments ago she had been holding it, and then she mechanically moved to clean up this mess as well as herself. She ignored everything else as best as she could, and just kept focusing on the only silver lining of this whole business; namely that there was no school tomorrow.

When both she and her bed were clean and fresh, she sat down on it, looked out of the window and let those burning questions roam free. She stared at the stars, charted constellations and hummed songs under her breath.

Nothing happened that night; no shocks, or surprises, or epiphanies. Her parents didn't come bursting into her room, and she didn't crawl into their bed even though sometimes she was tempted to.

Indeed, Haruno Sakura, 12 years old, spent the whole night with wide eyes, doing nothing save existing.

* * *

 **AN:** So, trauma is trauma. No easy fixes there.

On the whole chakra thing, I think most of you are a step ahead of Sakura when it comes the properties such as "thereness". Also, each of those shapes can be found in a chakra diagram, one that depics all the Tenketsu, and I challenge you all to find them by drawing "constellations". If any of you find glaring problems in the logic, let me know.

Ray the Red


End file.
